5 signs that he’s sleeping with you

Men can be very difficult things to understand, especially when it comes to romance and bedroom hijinks. One of the most common questions we hear from Glamourless readers is ‘how do I know if he’s sleeping with me or not?’, or sometimes even, ‘how do I know if I’m sleeping with him?’ Not to worry, Glamourlesspusses – if you recognise any of the following points, one of you is probably sleeping with someone.

1. He’s told all his friends

how do i know if he's sleeping with me
One of them is sleeping with you, but who the hell is it?

As good a starting place as any, and it’s well known that men never lie. If he’s told all his male friends that you’re sleeping together, the chances are that he’s absolutely right. Why doubt yourself?

2. Everyone you know is talking about it

If everyone turns and stares at you as you walk into the pub, and then they whisper things to each with knowing looks, it’s a promising sign. More than likely he’s finished telling his friends and now he’s telling your friends. You should feel proud.

3. You’ve nicknamed his organ

Bernie the chap

You’re not sure if he has a name for his appendage (he probably does – you’ve not spoken much), but you certainly do. It’s called Bernie. Everyone knows it.

4. Sometimes you’re not alone

Sometimes you wake up and he’s there in your bed, naked, wearing a ball gag. You’re not sure how he got there, but it looks like a good sign.

5. But when you are alone…

sometimes when you're alone…he touches you. In the vagina. With his penis.

Was it an accident, or is this the real thing? Write in and tell us the answer. We’d love to know. 

Daniel Puppets

Daniel Puppets grew up in Eastleigh, dreaming of escape. At the age of 18 he ran away from home to begin work on the short-lived publication, Winchester Razzle. He saw a lot of things in a short space of time and left having gained the ability to regularly interview two actors, deftly shaven, coupled in a meaningless embrace. He has been with Glamourless ever since the editor forced his hand with blackmail and unsubtle threats.

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