Sure, we’re going through a time of political and economic uncertainty, but girls, you’ve got to look on the bright side: life’s FULL of uncertainty. If we’re totally honest, not a day goes by when we don’t wonder what on earth we’re here for, who invented hair removal and why it won’t all just end. I know you’re all nodding along at home. I just know it.
But talking about despair in such an open, positive way makes some people uncomfortable. In fact, honesty is generally quite a big problem for the Brits, and, for the most part, they’d much rather you just shut up, put up and and shut up again. ‘You can take your sad little problems and shove them right up your triangle!’, is what they’d say. So today we’re looking at how a little clever contouring can take you from unhappy to unrecognisable in just a few easy steps. Take a look at the amazing examples below for inspiration and get painting!
1. Hide your despair beneath a cat
We have it on governmental authority that if cats were removed from the internet, the world would collapse. Cats are to humans what foil is to magpies: extremely distracting. Just watch people try to assess your mental state with all that cat going on.
2. Hide your despair beneath a clown
Clowns, eh? Equal parts horror and humour. And in this bright young thing’s case, doing her whole face like a clown has made it utterly impossible to tell what she’s feeling inside. Tears will fly right off her lead-based make-up, too – fashion and function. We love!
3. Hide your despair beneath swirly patterns
This savvy lady has used wood stain and Tip-Ex to remarkable effect. In fact, her contouring is so clever that her face blends completely into any autumn foliage, thereby allowing her to wail and wallow without facing the contempt of her fellow man.
4. Hide your despair beneath a skin disorder
Now, this is genius. Who’s going to bother you if you’re clearly suffering from some sort of heinous skin disorder? It’s the perfect way to stagnate in your own pit of sorrow without some chirpy tit bobbing along and trying to pull you from your wretched stupor.
5. Hide your despair beneath the antichrist
This might provoke some difficult reactions – particularly from colleagues. They might say your contouring isn’t totally work appropriate, but hey, we don’t remember this still being the 1950s! Right? Hey! Am I right?