Any old magazine can tell you how to go from desk to dinner, from boardroom to bar, from stationary cupboard to sex club – but what about showing up for work the next day, a dirty stop-out, without anyone rumbling you? How can you live life as a sexually empowered single gal without anyone thinking you unprofessional and therefore refusing to promote you? How can you hump as much as you like and still get ahead? Well, having undertaken some extensive field research at the Glamourless offices, we’re here to share a number of winning outfit ideas.
Trousers with removeable legs
In the summer months, invest in a pair of trousers with a handy unzippable bottom section. You’ll be in heels – when are you not? – so, before you leave the office, slap on a bit of extra make-up and enjoy your evening of safe sexual intercourse. The following morning, leave your jacket at his house (it means he has to call you, yay!), unbutton your blouse a little, unzip the trouser legs and hey presto! You’ve got yourself a whole new look. And, as any fashionista will tell you, shorts and heels is always a good look. It says, ‘I’m sexy, but I’m ready to climb a sheer cliff face if required’.
Reversible Hawaiian shirt
Jeans are jeans – it’s so fine to wear those two days on the trot; it’s the repeated top and the stench of sweat and regret that’ll give you away. Put the leg work in by investing in a wide range of Hawaiian shirts and wear them on rotation for a few weeks. Then on date night, make sure you don a reversible number. The following morning, if you can bring yourself to look at or speak to your man after what you did last night, ask him if he has a shower and, if so, if you can use it. Then, consider stealing something of his (it means he has to call you, yay!), turn your shirt around, and off you strut to the office. Nobody need ever know.
If removable trouser legs or Hawaiian shirts aren’t really your bag, but you don’t want to carry a change of clothes around – well, you’re a hard woman to please. But we like that about you, so we’ve come up with a solution: in the morning, have a quick rifle through his underwear and accessories drawers. Perhaps he has some interesting ties or bow ties, perhaps a set of braces, a Stetson, or a fun ‘kerchief. Any of these pieces will do a cracking job of making yesterday’s outfit look different – and quirky as fuck! Bonus!
If you really had no idea tonight was going to be sleepover night – yeah, right – you may find yourself in a bind. And perhaps you don’t know the fella well enough to borrow his gentlemen’s accoutrements as in the option above. If this happens, well, there’s only one thing for it: distraction. And what’s the best way to distract people? Wearing your pants over your clothing. They’ll be so focused on the fact that you’ve Supermanned, that they won’t even remember what you were wearing yesterday. So there’ll be absolutely no raised eyebrows about your professional credentials, or your state of mind.
How do you balance your day job with extra-curricular endeavours? Any tips for us? Help!