Fashion special: how to pull off culottes

They’re the horror trend of the year – giant swinging peddle pushers that make the short look shorter and the leggy look like they’ve got the most extreme case of ankle swingers this world has ever seen. We’ve seen tons of articles in the more popular, glossier women’s magazines about how to pull off culottes – so we thought we’d jump on the bandwagon. After all, we firmly believe that independent thought is overrated and we should really all absorb exactly the same information in order to think the same thing and get along nicely.

In order to pull off your culottes, you’re going to have to adjust them slightly, so it’ll be needles – sewing, not hypodermic! – and steely patience at the ready.

1. Purchase your culottes

Culottes gun
Love the handbag.

It’s important that you have both a torso and legs for this stage in the process. If you don’t, this might not be so successful. If you do – great. All you need to do is go into a shop, find some culottes you like, try them on and buy them. It really is that simple.

2. Adjust your culottes

Knitted culottes
Stylish beyond reason.

Unless you’ve bought yours a number of sizes too large, you won’t be able to simply pull your culottes off willy nilly. You’re going to need to adjust them. Our advice would be to either alter the waistline and fill it with elastic so that they can be simply whipped off by tugging down by the groin area. Otherwise, if you want a flashier look, you could separate the front and back of your culottes and reattach them with velcro. This will allow you to remove them in one smooth move, much like that film where the middle-aged men dance around in firemen uniforms holding hot chocolate.

3. Pull them off

Tennis culottes
This woman attached the velcro to the wrong flap.

When and where you do this is entirely up to you. We’d recommend in the privacy of your own home and, ideally, in front of your lover. If not, the mirror. It’s probably a bit much to do it in front of friends and loved ones but, if you do, please wear pants.

Have you got any culottes? How do you pull yours off? Let us know!

Bonnie Pumphouse

Bonnie began her professional life selling caravan kitchens. She then took on a part-time role throwing lady parties for a well-known sex toy retailer, but they parted ways over artistic differences. She now splits her time between a much higher end sex toy retailer and writing exciting, inspirational articles for Glamourless – all aimed at REAL women like her.

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