What your Instagram filter of choice says about you

Can you remember life without filters? What a disgusting, honest and depressing world that was – a world in which shiny foreheads, under-eye bags and five o’clock shadows beat perfection down with an ugly stick, and reality was no friend of aspiration.

But now we’ve all fine-tuned the art of portraying the very best version of ourselves eating the very best avocados, it’s time to dig a little deeper: why are you choosing the filter you’re choosing? What draws you to it? What personality type does your choice reveal? We conducted some meaningless analysis to help you get to grips with yourself.


This woman has really overexposed herself.

Babe, you are old school. You’re so stuck in the past your phone probably doesn’t even bother to automatically update itself. All your photos look like they’ve been exposed to too much sunlight and dipped in chlorine. You might want to consider whether or not you’re depressed or, at best, deeply insecure – it might explain why you can’t bear your filtered photos to look even slightly like the originals. Think about seeking help.

X-Pro II

Trust us – this is a better look for you than X-Pro II.

Are you serious? What’s wrong with you? Look at the name of this filter: it’s clearly for crazy people. And, honestly, why do you need all your photos to look like they’ve been toasted? If you’re really that keen to hide all your faults, you might want to think about giving up on the selfie career – or at least buying a paper bag for your head. It could be your thing.


Square of Saint Mary's and Valencia Cathedral Temple in old town.Spain .
Warning: this filter will NOT make all of your photos look like Valencia.

A classic by anyone’s standard, this filter is all about taking what’s good and making it better. Just what a filter should do. You might want to look into the settings, though – you don’t want the whole effect to be so subtle that people actually witness the real you. God. The horror. We feel sick just thinking about it.


This is a picture of an actual poet, which is why it’s in black and white.

Who do you think you’re kidding? If you’re not from the late 19th century, an art student or a poet, you shouldn’t be uploading photos of yourself in black and white. It’s super unflattering – the tanned look pale and the pale look transparent – and reeks of desperation. Do everyone a favour and go haunt someone else’s news feed.


This woman was idiotic enough to use the ‘Normal’ filter, and now she’s paying the price.

Really don’t get this one – who wants to look normal? Ugh. Doesn’t seem to have any effect whatsoever, but then maybe that’s the point: people get to actually see you in your natural state – at your most beautiful.

Hahahahahahahaha. Only joking. NEVER use this filter.

Bonnie Pumphouse

Bonnie began her professional life selling caravan kitchens. She then took on a part-time role throwing lady parties for a well-known sex toy retailer, but they parted ways over artistic differences. She now splits her time between a much higher end sex toy retailer and writing exciting, inspirational articles for Glamourless – all aimed at REAL women like her.

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