Every woman has her own set of problem areas that she’d like her workout to tackle – here’s a handy list of some of the most effective ways get the shape you desire.
1. Thinner calves
Knee-high boots may be a warm and stylish addition to your winter wardrobe, but if you’re a lady with fuller calf muscles, then getting that zip all the way up is going to be tough. With that in mind, we’re kicking off this list a little off-message. This isn’t so much of a workout as a sleep in! The more time you spend sitting quietly and not moving your limbs, the more likely it is that your calf muscles will waste away until your stick-like atrophied limbs will be able to slide seamlessly into your stylish pair of winter boots.
2. A nipped-in waist
The hourglass is a figure many women strive for – after all, there’s nothing sexier than a sand-filled glass vessel that can measure time through the slow trickling of grains. Hours and hours of endless hula hooping should do the trick through eroding your midsection exactly where you want for that delicate nipped-in look. If you think you don’t have time, you’re wrong! Stand at your desk and hula hoop, give up several hours of sleep, or take it up on the tube. There really is no excuse.
3. Longer limbs
There’s a reason models are tall, and that’s the fact that short women are unnerving. Do yourself a favour, and instead of scuttling around close to the earth’s core, get those limbs at least half a foot longer with a few simple workouts. Yoga is stretchy, so it stands to reason that it will get you the extra inches you deserve, with the side bonus of making you more spiritual.
4. A more flexible neck
There’s nothing more graceful than the mighty swan, gliding through the water, having the honour of being feasted on by our queen, and holding its head up high on its winding, flexible neck. You don’t need any fancy equipment to get the look, so, if you’re self-conscious about heading to the gym, simply practice moving your neck in the mirror twice a day. Top tip: picture how graceful your head will look balanced on top of a long, rope-like weaving neck for extra motivation.
5. A better quality face
Your face is the first thing people (men) notice, and if, like most British women, you look like Les Dawson, then you may be experiencing difficulties. Everyone says you’re prettier when you smile, and that’s because smiling exercises your face muscles helping to shave off vital inches, tone your forehead and enhance your skull. Remember to smile at all times – there can be no room in your life for other emotions now.
6. A shiny mane and tail
When you’re trotting thorough the fields, a glossy mane and tail will ensure all the stallions sit up and take notice. This can be achieved with plenty of fresh country air, so get out there and get galloping.
7. The ability to breathe underwater
There’s no point having a bikini body if you can’t flaunt it at a variety of ocean depths. Increasing lung capacity through vigorous cardio should help with this. Spinning is popular at the moment – try that. It might work.
8. A greater wingspan
If you’re ashamed of your stubby wingspan, you’re right to be. This is one that a complicated pilates routine should be able to tackle. Don’t ever miss a session.
9. The respect of your peers
The only way to achieve this is by working out so hard that people suspect you have some sort of mental health issue. Get up at 4am to jog to the gym, then loudly tell your coworkers about how enjoyable you find this lifestyle as they reach for their fourth slice of the Colin the Caterpillar cake that’s been languishing on top of the lockers since Janine’s 41st last Tuesday. They’ll hate you, of course, but they’ll also respect and fear you. And they’ll have to be nice to your face or else risk looking bitter.
10. An end to your crushing self loathing
This is an area many women struggle with. While you don’t want to eradicate it all (our bitter self hatred is what gets us out of bed in the morning for a 6am run), too much of it may mean it seeps out into your everyday life in the form of moaning. And we all know how much men hate to listen to your endless whinging! The best exercise for this is anything that makes you shed pounds fast. Remember: ‘thin’ is just ‘happiness’ spelt and pronounced differently.