Sure, we had time for Hillary’s red power onesie at the first debate, and sure, we’d love it if we had teeth like hers. Heck, we just wish we still had teeth! Oh, what the Glamourless team would give to have a couple of teeth to rub together.

All this talk of huge walls, Trump having Clinton locked up for sending an email and tinpot dictators has got us screaming out for some real quality coverage of the ministerial election debate. We think it’s time we addressed the one thing on every sane woman’s mind:

HOW CAN I MAKE MY HAIR MORE LIKE DONALD TRUMP’S?

1. Separate it

You can only achieve this level of streamlined perfection if you separate your two clumps of hair out. The upper section should be moulded into a meringue-shaped form upon your crown. The lower region should be dragged in a river shape towards the nape of your neck. Honestly, the less hair you have, the better this will look – so consider thinning yours out by hacking it at random or giving it a once over with the iron.

2. Fluff it

Getting your hair to this level of fluffiness needn’t be a pain. All you’ll need is a candy floss machine, some aspirin and a decent swig of patience. It won’t happen overnight. The bonus about this particular look is that you are likely to lose hair in the fluffing process, thereby achieving a much more accurate Trump treatment.

3. Stick it

We know what you’re thinking: surely sticking wet fingers in a plug hole would do the trick? True: there are worse ways to spend your time. But we’ve found that approach just doesn’t last, and you’ll have a thin layer of flat pancake hair quicker than you can scream, ‘Warthog!’ In actual fact, you should simply coat your hairs in a thin layer of amber before you go to sleep at night in the style you want – you’ll find them perfectly encased come the dawn.

4. Work it

You can’t buy confidence, but you can buy a toupee. You can’t buy a full head of hair, but you can buy extra strong hold hairspray. There’s no accounting for this level of sass, but Trump’s got it in bucket loads of gold. That’s why he doesn’t care that his hair’s done a tsunami.

That’s what we’re all looking for at the end of the day, isn’t it? And some teeth.

Bonnie Pumphouse

Bonnie began her professional life selling caravan kitchens. She then took on a part-time role throwing lady parties for a well-known sex toy retailer, but they parted ways over artistic differences. She now splits her time between a much higher end sex toy retailer and writing exciting, inspirational articles for Glamourless – all aimed at REAL women like her.