With more competition out there from equally sassy women, and your achievements carrying less weight with potential employers, landlords and lovers, it’s harder than ever to get ahead. Which is why, as LinkedIn will have you know, if you’re not optimising every single second to build your personal brand, you’re probably going to die ugly, unemployed and alone in your parents’ attic (they will assume the noises are just rats clawing at the walls). To inspire you to get ahead, yet-to-be-self-published novelist Polo Tabernacle is ready to share her average day with you. Read on and prosper, ladies!
3am: wake up to the sound of my own screaming
As everyone knows, if you’re not getting up before the sun, the sun is one step ahead. To make sure that spherical bastard doesn’t win, I like to get up at 3am and creep around the house trying not to wake my housemate. I don’t believe in alarm clocks, or in having my phone near me as I sleep (I once read something about it making you fat), but I’m one of the lucky few who wakes up naturally. My own traumatic self-loathing usually jolts me from sleep well before the daily march of dawn.
4am: tune into myself
I like to spend an hour in quiet contemplation. This time is useful for thinking about every idiotic thing I’ve ever said and done, and playing it back to myself in painful detail. I find it keeps me humble.
I’m a natural morning person, so I’ll take this early time to get to the gym. I relish the quiet, and the fact that there are far fewer people around to witness me run for three minutes and eight seconds before curling up in the foetal position under the bench press.
7am: arrive home
Change, shower, then I’m ready to take on the day!!!
I fell asleep putting on my pants, but now we’re back on track and ready for breakfast. I like to start with a fresh açai bowl or overnight oats – I believe that nourishing your body with healthy, plant-based meals is true self care. I take a quick snap to inspire my 14 Instagram followers before digging in!
11.15am: breakfast 2
I was still really, really hungry after the açai bowl, so I had a fried egg, a kilo of oven chips and a big dollop of mayonnaise. I believe listening to my body and what it’s trying to tell me is vital to a healthy life. (Chips.)
A cookie eaten furtively over the sink. Life is about balance and occasionally I like to treat myself when I’m away from the judgemental eyes of others. I take care to burn the wrapper out of the window afterwards so it’s like it never happened.
1pm: time to relax
I like to take a full hour for lunch to make sure I’m well rested and restored for an afternoon of high achieving. I usually treat myself to a little TV if I’m working from home – my guilty pleasures are murder mystery reruns or rom-coms I’ve seen 30 or 40 times before on Netflix.
4pm: oh shit, it’s 4pm?? I’d better get back to it!
Check emails – nothing.
4.01pm: more TV
I accidentally started another episode of Midsomer Murders and now I need to see how it ends even though I’ve seen it 17 times before.
7pm: check emails
7.01pm: time to write!
I like to have the TV on in the background as I chip away at my novel.
9pm: take stock of the day
The 26 words I’ve written today are a key part of the plot. I feel satisfied that I’ve achieved a lot, and you always have to remember it’s about quality, not quantity. Every tap of the keyboard is a journey of discovery. I also managed to nail two more episodes of that series I’m hooked on, which means I’m a step closer to being freed from its clutches.
9.30pm: clock off
Better stow that laptop! I have to try hard not to be a workaholic, as I’m passionate about what I do and my laptop has been sitting open all day. Time to finally put it down and relax!
10pm: time for bed!
As mentioned, I’m really in tune with my body, so when I start falling asleep on the sofa, I know it’s time to hit the hay.
Midnight: still lying awake
Anxiety keeps me alert!
We’d love to hear about your daily routine – feel free to share in the comments!