The big* love your body issue!

Love Your Body

As lady-shaped people, we often face huge pressure from the media, fashion industry, and even friends and coworkers to look and dress a certain way.

Well, we at Glamourless say ‘no more’! Every woman deserves to feel sexy and confident whatever her shape or size. So, whether you’re a size zero and athletic, or a size zero with some curves (but not too many curves – think of your health, gals!), we have tips to make you look and feel your best! After all, loving your body and yourself is the first step(s)  towards getting a man – any man – to love you. Go forth and conquer!

1. Be confident, regardless of how you feel inside

Men love confidence. Every time we interview a man on the street about what you could do to better appeal to his penis, the answer is, ‘Be more confident!’ That’s right, ladies – no matter how perfect you are, if you’re a bit shy you will definitely die alone. So strut your stuff like you mean it – after all, you’re perfect the way you are. But if you’re not, just be confident! Fake it till you make it! Make friends easily! Talk to people at parties! Hopefully, all the shouting and strutting will blind potential love interests to any glaring issues with your face/body.

What could you do to better appeal to his penis? Be more confident! tweet

2. Work out, but don’t expect to get more attractive – you’ll only be disappointed

Working out isn’t about losing weight – it’s about getting high. Exercise releases endorphins that will help you forget what a crushing disappointment you are (love yourself!!!) and if you do happen to lose some weight, then all the better! You’ve got nothing to lose, other than all those hours you’ll spend running a marathon to nowhere, of course. And maybe a few pounds (even though this totally isn’t about losing weight – this is about treating your body nicely by working it to the point of exhaustion).

Exercise releases endorphins that will help you forget what a crushing disappointment you are tweet

3. Find a category you can fit into, then judge all those outside that category on the basis of their looks

Nothing will make you feel good about yourself quite like the giddy high that comes with picking on someone who’s different from you. Strong is the new skinny! Real women have curves! No fat chicks! Whatever slogan you identify with, be sure to show others how little regard you have for their feelings and body type by yelling that yours is the best. Remember, this is about loving your body, not anyone else’s. Acceptance is a finite resource that needs to be harvested until there’s not a drop left for anyone else. Then you, and you alone, shall stand victorious.

Strong is the new skinny! Real women have curves! No fat chicks! tweet

Be more confident, appeal to his penis

4. Take note of any empowering quotes you might see on Facebook

Everything Marilyn Monroe has ever said about beauty is a good starting point – she never pretended to be something she wasn’t, or changed to fit the beauty mould. No. She was born Marilyn, and she died Marilyn, and should be an inspiration to us all (after all, she bagged JFK! Swoon!). Other sources of love-yourself-spiration can be had from numerous celebrities such as supermodel Tyra Banks on how you don’t have to look like a supermodel to be hot, perfectly proportioned A-list actress Jennifer Lawrence on how she refuses to go on a diet, or classically beautiful supermodel Kate Upton on how she doesn’t want to change the way she looks. Empowering stuff!

Marilyn Monroe never pretended to be something she wasn’t, or changed to fit the beauty mould tweet

5. Accept that you’ll feel vulnerable from time to time – and exploit it to your advantage

We can’t all be confident in ourselves 24/7, and a little insecurity is perfectly natural. The good news is, you can use that vulnerability to enhance your appeal. A little shame about your appearance can go a long way towards getting others to love you (and therefore helping you to love yourself). Work the confidence, of course (men love confidence!), but if it looks like they’re becoming threatened by how secure you are in yourself, tap into those underlying reservoirs of self-loathing and throw out a phrase or two about your square bum or lopsided thigh gap. That should get your man rushing to your defence in no time! Outside validation is a great confidence boost!

A little shame about your appearance can go a long way towards getting others to love you tweet

6. Feed yourself with tasty, empowering foods

It’s a well-known fact that junk food is not empowering – treating your body like a rubbish bin by feeding it wine, chocolate, red meat, crisps, or anything that has been near a carb will only lead to you hating yourself. Do you think our cavewoman ancestors ate anything that wasn’t green? No! That’s why they were so healthy and confident. This isn’t about losing weight, of course, this is about treating your body right and showing it that you love it. (No diets here! But it probably wouldn’t hurt if you did lose some weight accidentally.) So why not swap that big lunchtime tuna sandwich for a fresh green salad? We know, we know – you hear salad, you think: Boring! But once you’ve learnt how to laugh with your salad, you’ll never look back. If you’re feeling especially hungry, then top your tasty bowl of shredded lettuce with a 1cm cube of cucumber, half a cherry tomato and three peanuts (protein is important) – and don’t you dare feel guilty! You can always make up for it by fasting the next day.

Once you’ve learnt how to laugh with your salad, you’ll never look back tweet

7. Calm yourself down with meaningless platitudes

If all else fails, remember that you’re beautiful on the inside – regardless of your personality or how you treat others.

Remember that you’re beautiful on the inside – regardless of your personality or how you treat others tweet

*Just to be clear, the issue is big – if you are, you should try to be smaller. Love your curves, though, ladies! But do try to eat less – it’s really empowering! xoxox

Polo Tabernacle

POLO STARTED OUT AS A FARMHAND IN RURAL WELSHTOWN WHERE SHE MILKED COWS AND FROLICKED IN THE ROLLING GREEN HILLS – AN EXPERIENCE THAT LED TO SEVEN YEARS WRITING FOR THE FARMER'S BUGLE. SHE STAYED WITH THE PUBLICATION UNTIL A HEATED DEBATE OVER THE HYPHENATION OF BATTERY FARMING CUT SHORT HER CAREER. REALISING EARLY INTO THE ROW THAT SHE WAS WRONG, SHE NEVERTHELESS CHOSE TO ARGUE IT OUT TO THE BITTER END IN AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE FACE. THIS PUT HER ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FARMING PUBLICATION COMMUNITY – A GROUP NOTORIOUS FOR HOLDING A GRUDGE – AND ENSURED SHE COULD NEVER WORK IN THE INDUSTRY AGAIN. HER ONLY RECOURSE WAS TO MOVE INTO THE LESS COMPETITIVE WOMEN'S LIFESTYLE ARENA, FINALLY ARRIVING ON GLAMOURLESS'S DOORSTEP, WHERE SHE MOSTLY WRITES ABOUT FITNESS AND FUN NEW DIETS.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.