Brooklyn Beckham and Burberry: nothing to see here

Burberry’s appointment of Brooklyn Beckham as lead fashion photographer may have seasoned snappers up in arms, but nepotism of this kind is nothing new. Beckham, son of Beckham Inc, may never have seen the world through a camera lens, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an innate talent that the planet simply can’t do without. Plenty of celebrity offspring have trodden his path before, and several have defined whole new career concepts in the process.

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Kate Moss and Stella McCartney, together since the catwalk cradle

Take Stella McCartney, for example. The daughter of a celebrated 1960s insect farmer, she was discovered at the age of three by a chap called Chloé, who took her to London to attend to the garments of St Martin. Eight months later she moved to Paris and designed her first collection, the centerpiece of which was a nappy sack in Lagerfeld tartan with a snap-on carrot pouch for tetchy vegans. The piece was modeled on the catwalk by a young Kate Moss, daughter of Culture Club drummer, Jon Moss. Barely out of the womb, the world’s first superwaif lay in McCartney’s sack and studiously loosened her bowels until the lights went down. Both were considered a complete success, and neither have looked back since.

Bowie spent years tracking this balding space junkie, and may have even put his son on his scent
Bowie spent years tracking this balding space junkie, and may have even put his son on his scent

In 1971, recently deceased rock god David Bowie gave birth to a son called Zoe. Following a difficult labour, the pair became estranged for several years until Zoe, who had since mutated into a Duncan, was offered a position at NASA filming the moon. A NASA spokesman at the time commented, ‘It’s a dull job, but someone’s got to keep an eye on it and it may as well be him’. Dull or not, Duncan Zoe was accused of thriving off his father’s fame, and may have even been in his employ. For reasons best known to himself, Bowie had spent decades pondering the whereabouts of a balding but celebrated military crack addict, and was reputedly convinced he might be found ‘floating in a tin can far above the world’. What better way to scratch that particular itch than to set your son up with a camera and the backing of a mythical space agency?

Rita or Rihanna? It's not possible to know which one is which, even without clothing
Rita or Rihanna? It’s not possible to know which one is which, even without clothing

Less groundbreaking was the career of Rita Ora, lovechild of nude superstar Rihanna and [father unknown; possibly the product of asexual reproduction]. While Ora was offered the opportunity to go into the clothing industry, purely as a way to try to keep her parent covered up, she chose to follow in Rihanna’s footsteps, and was most recently seen exposing herself on every available social media channel (and occasionally making music, although that seems to be something of an unwanted distraction).

The apple never falls far from the tree, but when it does, it really ought to be keeping its nipples covered. That’s the Glamourless view, anyway.

Daniel Puppets

Daniel Puppets grew up in Eastleigh, dreaming of escape. At the age of 18 he ran away from home to begin work on the short-lived publication, Winchester Razzle. He saw a lot of things in a short space of time and left having gained the ability to regularly interview two actors, deftly shaven, coupled in a meaningless embrace. He has been with Glamourless ever since the editor forced his hand with blackmail and unsubtle threats.

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