Liam Neeson’s ‘joke’ leaves people traumatised

(DUBLIN, Glamourless) After several days of intense speculation, actor Liam Neeson has revealed that the ‘incredibly famous’ woman he thought he might be dating was actually not a woman at all. And, before you raise a politically incorrect eyebrow, neither was it an animal.

The world, it seems, has been the butt of another of Neeson’s increasingly frustrating jokes. ‘Can’t believe they fell for it,’ he was quoted as saying to a tired-looking aide. ‘I’m not dating anyone! That was almost too easy.’

Prancing Trucker, the thoroughbred who lost in the 3:15 at Bangor-on-Sea this Wednesday, was shocked to find that bookies had placed 10-1 odds on the possibility of him being in a relationship with Neeson he couldn’t recall entering. He is believed to have slept soundly with both eyes closed for the first time in days.

Prancing Trucker has been unable to sleep since news of his possible relationship with Liam Neeson broke
Prancing Trucker: unable to sleep since news of his possible relationship with Neeson broke.

Increasingly, it appears that the fallout from the incident has not been as hilarious as the actor would have us believe. Aside from Prancing Trucker, several other people are said to have suffered trauma, many of them unsure as to whether or not they were in a relationship with Neeson or not.

Ed Harris: "Cut the crap, Liam. Is it me or isn't it?"
Ed Harris: “Cut the crap, Liam. Is it me or isn’t it?”

Among those believed to be receiving treatment for post-traumatic stress is actor Ed Harris, seen in the picture above, clearly confused by the nature of his relationship with the Irishman.

Similarly, Daniel Radcliffe, Maggie Grace and Famke Janssen were involved in a fracas in a Nottingham pub car park yesterday when Neeson refused to confirm or deny whether he was sleeping with one of them, or whether they might even be sleeping together.

Liam Neeson becalms a distressed Daniel Radcliffe
Liam Neeson becalms a distressed Daniel Radcliffe: ‘Stop f**king with us, Neeson! We need the truth!’

Police have asked that any members of the public who believe themselves to have been affected by Neeson’s ‘little joke’ make themselves known. Counselling is believed to be effective, but it is better to start the treatment sooner rather than later.

Daniel Puppets

Daniel Puppets grew up in Eastleigh, dreaming of escape. At the age of 18 he ran away from home to begin work on the short-lived publication, Winchester Razzle. He saw a lot of things in a short space of time and left having gained the ability to regularly interview two actors, deftly shaven, coupled in a meaningless embrace. He has been with Glamourless ever since the editor forced his hand with blackmail and unsubtle threats.

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