£147 for a vagina rub ‘must be London prices’ say non-London women

(COVENTRY, Glamourless) Reports in The Sun claiming women are paying £147 for ‘Orgasmic Meditation’, essentially a vaginal rub administered by a complete stranger, have been scoffed at by women in areas outside of the capital.

£147 for a vaginal rub. 'Never in Coventry, but maybe in Solihull'
£147 for a vaginal rub. ‘Never in Coventry, but maybe in Solihull’

The practice, which promises a ‘larger state of consciousness, improving intimacy in relationships and generally increasing your orgasm skills’, sees women stripping from the waist down to receive a 15-minute clitoral rub while other strangers watch agape.

‘I’ve not heard something so ridiculous in all my years,’ said Sally Whittingham, a 32-year-old recruitment consultant from Meriden, just outside Coventry. ‘These have to be London prices. No woman round our way would pay £147 for that. There’s a bloke down the Bull’s Head called Jez who’d do that… does do that… has done that… for nothing at all. No charge whatsoever. And if you want to do it in front of bystanders, Solihull’s only just up the road.’

I know a fella in Redditch who’ll lend you his mongrel for £7.50 an hour tweet

‘Definitely London weighting,’ agreed Damian Cook, a builder standing outside The George in Solihull. ‘Most people I know would do this for free. I mean, why wouldn’t you? That said, though, I know a fella in Redditch who’ll lend you his mongrel for £7.50 an hour. And the swinger’s clubs in Shirley will cost you an arm and a leg – or a share of somebody else’s. LOL.’

At the time of writing, The Sun had yet to confirm whether or not the £147 included VAT, although Glamourless‘s accountants were reasonably sure that ‘a fisting of this nature wouldn’t go down well with HMRC.’

Daniel Puppets

Daniel Puppets grew up in Eastleigh, dreaming of escape. At the age of 18 he ran away from home to begin work on the short-lived publication, Winchester Razzle. He saw a lot of things in a short space of time and left having gained the ability to regularly interview two actors, deftly shaven, coupled in a meaningless embrace. He has been with Glamourless ever since the editor forced his hand with blackmail and unsubtle threats.

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