Women. We all know we’re confusing to men. We physically can’t stop talking, we travel in gaggles, roaming the streets searching for white wine, and we own more shoes than we have feet. But what confuses men the most is how many of us are fictional. Bad news, gals – on the dating market, the best men naturally prefer a woman who exists. Here’s why…
They have curves
Men like women with curves. And who can blame them? Nobody wants to be getting frisky with their lady, and then have their eye out on one of her sharp corners. That’s a real mood killer. A key way to spot a non-fictional woman is by her perfectly rounded and well-sanded corners that allow her to be rolled smoothly in the direction of the nearest pub. Like a snowman, she is composed of a collection of perfect circles. And it drives the men wild.
They practise face nudity
Men have a lot of difficulty trusting less-than-real women, as these hussies will often attempt to trick them by painting societally mandated faces over their own sad, low-quality offering. Why would they lie like this? Innocent men are often tricked into getting to know women whose lips aren’t fluorescent pink, their eyelids aren’t sparkly and their skin isn’t a perfectly defined pattern of light and shadow. Real women let their naked faces out for all to see. Real women are honest. Real women are hot (otherwise they aren’t allowed outside – no one wants to see that, lady).
Fake women are frivolous and vain. They care about one thing and one thing only: being as thin as possible. For the poor hapless guy who just wants to go out and enjoy a nice burger with his beautiful lady, an angry refusal to do anything but pick sadly at a salad (or laugh at it on occasion) is a key sign of a faker. Real women, on the other hand will happily put away a bag of chips, a Chinese takeaway, 20 nuggets and 16 pints of beer. (PS: no fatties.)
They like everything that you like, but, like, genuinely without pretending to impress or connect with you like a faker
This includes all non-traditional lady things such as: not talking during movies, watching football, playing computer games, eating things that aren’t salad, watching Star Wars, drinking whisky and/or beer – all while still looking hot, of course.
One of the biggest challenges any relationship can face is if one half of the couple is entirely fictional. This can have a huge impact on intimacy and communication, and can also make the non-fictional party raise eyebrows when introducing their other half to friends and family. Real women have the upper hand here, as having objective reality is one of the biggest investments you can make in your relationship. Fakers: you can learn something here!