Dear Genghis: I’m only 28. Why am I going grey?

Dear Genghis,

I was brushing my dark brown hair with my horse brush last week and found a small patch of grey hairs (arrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh)!!!! I am only 28 and I feel way too young to be going grey. Am I destined to become an old grey nag? What should I do?!

Justine Bieber

Dear Justine,

Firstly, don’t worry. It is perfectly normal to get grey hairs from as young as 16. It is every woman’s individual choice as to whether she embraces grey hair. The thing to bear in mind is that grey hair changes how people in society see you. Literally. It’s a science thing. You will become totally invisible to all men under-75 and employers will overlook you for promotion. Conversely, you will heighten in visibility to young children – who will run away shrieking in terror thinking you are a fairy-tale crone – and Tenna Lady sales teams.

Hair dye is full of nasty chemicals that poison your body and the ocean, so I wouldn’t recommend that route, unless you are an awful person. Instead, some more natural options include:

  • Rubbing industrial coal or peat through your hair each day. This also limits their use as fossil fuels, which is bad for the environment, so it’s a double win.
  • Inserting sacs of squid ink directly into the scalp. New hairs will be coated in thick black oily slime as they grow so the greys never even appear.
  • Grafting skin from other parts of your body with hair onto the problem area of the scalp. Or do a swap with a friend for a change in colour!

Hats are a possibility too, but you have to be really pretty with a thin face to pull off a hat, so they’re not for everyone.

Good luck with your decision! Just remember it’s totally natural to go grey and there’s nothing wrong with you, as long as you cover it up forever and nobody suspects that you are ageing.


Genghis Moss

Dr Genghis Moss

Genghis Moss was begotten, not created, in Merseyside in 1972. After a brief stint as a carpenter's assistant building bespoke shoe racks for the region's footballers' wives, she went to find herself in Thailand. There, a silence retreat escalated into decades without speaking, culminating in an award-winning piece of investigative journalism exposing the holes in the Thai speech therapy system. She is now working full time as a life coach.

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