Hot this week: Melania Trump’s amazing cover version

Is it just us or is Melanie Trump totally living the dream? She’s well over a hundred years old, but she doesn’t look a day over 25, especially since she had her eyes done so she looks like an angry puma. Grrrr. She’s also married to an incredibly rich dude who’s made a fat fortune out of whoopee cushions and was the first man to build an enormous high-rise tower exclusively out of rubber. Rumour has it that whoopee rubber has made its way into Melania’s face tissue more than a handful of times – but that’s just heresy hearse horse hearsay.

Puma lady.

And now she’s kickstarted her entertainment career with incredible skill. Since her hubby began his bid to become the King of the Red Button, she’s been diligently and admirably at his side, doing what a good wife should and smiling while remaining absolutely silent. She’s not technically allowed to breathe during his speeches, which is no mean feat when you consider that Donald can easily trump his way through half an hour of oration without even breaking a sweat, but she literally sucks it up like a pro.

Such an independent woman.

So we were delighted when she was allowed to make a speech all of her own – we’re a veritable Pankhurst of feminists here at Glamourless HQ, natch – and boy, didn’t she do well? We heard her performance garnered less than positive reviews around the world, but we really can’t see why. A great cover version – a truly great cover version – takes the best qualities of the original work and adds subtle improvements, which is exactly what Melania did.

We can only assume that Michelle Obama and everyone outside of the Republican party is super jeal of her incredible ear, her gift for flattery by imitation and her gracious nature. She even went so far as to deny she’d covered Obama’s original speech to save the First Lady embarrassment at even having to be compared to the incredible power of the female Trump. Just amazing. What a woman.

Bonnie Pumphouse

Bonnie began her professional life selling caravan kitchens. She then took on a part-time role throwing lady parties for a well-known sex toy retailer, but they parted ways over artistic differences. She now splits her time between a much higher end sex toy retailer and writing exciting, inspirational articles for Glamourless – all aimed at REAL women like her.

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